The Pain Sucker™ (Pretend to be a gameshow host while reading this post)

Pain:
a) physical suffering or distress, as due to injury, illness, etc
b) a distressing sensation in a particular part of the body
c) mental or emotional suffering or torment:

We've all known pain. We've all felt pain. We've all gotten up close and personal with pain. And we all hate it.

And so, with great pride and pleasure, I introduce to you, THE PAIN SUCKER™!!!!!

Simply remove the long needle from the sterile bag, inject into the area of pain, and suck it out. Works on all types of pain: mental, emotional, and physical, and responds no matter what the cause. And best of all, there are no side effects. 

And now, for only $10.99, Pain Suckers ™ are available at all Walmarts and most pharmacies. Hurry in and get one while supplies last.

Disclaimer: (Low TV Advertiser Voice Now)
      SayNoToPain© is not responsible for any injuries that occur from improper usage of a Pain Sucker™.  Pain Suckers ™ are meant for one-time usage only, and should only be used under the care of a doctor or responsible caregiver. A Pain Sucker ™cannot act as a replacement for doctors and medical treatments. Please read all instructions before attempting to use a Pain Sucker ™.